are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
