I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
