my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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