I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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