It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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