Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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