We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
