Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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