i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
