The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
