Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
