Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
