woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
