the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
