kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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