A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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