yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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