You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
