i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
