You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
