It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
