Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
