you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
