My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
