He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
