did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
