can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
