i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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