I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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