I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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