At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
don't judge my taste in strippers
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
