you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
