all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my shit smells like andre
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
