sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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