Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
