so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
