awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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