you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
