i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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