I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
