how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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