Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
