I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
