you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
