I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
