life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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