God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
