my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
