Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
