things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
