are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
