You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
