Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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