It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
