remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
