Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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