Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
