I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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